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Authentic Relating + Chaotic Good

Authenticity is acting and speaking in alignment with our inner feelings, desires, and

needs. Authentic Relating (AR) is the practice of bringing our truth into connection with

others’, so that we can weave a more rich and truthful human experience.

The Authentic Relating Games contained in this manual are an easy and fun way to

introduce AR into daily life. They can help us experience deeper connections, boost

empathy, see the world through others’ eyes, and understand ourselves better so that we

can enjoy life more.

By the end of a game, you may feel like you've known your partner(s) for a long time. Many

people express entering a room full of strangers and leaving feeling like lifelong friends.

There are five practices in authentic relating:

  1. Welcome everything - The idea is here not that you welcome only the outside world, but what comes within you as well. While you welcome contrasting opinions, new experiences, and absorb emotions of others, you need to welcome your intrusive thoughts, emotions, actions in both dark and light.

  2. Assume nothing: We always make assumptions in our day to day life and that leads to generation opinions that might not be true. The best way to break the uncertainty is to (politely) ask questions about things you are uncertain about.

  3. Revealing your experience: We tend to hide the 'ugly' side of our lives from others because we could be scared, embarrassed, or think it's not right to talk about something so 'sensitive' or 'distasteful'. As Labyrinth (2012) said 'Would you let me see beneath your beautiful? Would you let me see beneath your perfect?' There is a strong connection in the revealing of your deep experiences with someone else and being vulnerable.

  4. Own your experience: How you see the world, as a whole, is different from everyone else. You might share parts of it together, but when you take it in its complete form, it's never the same. The experiences, upbringing, and the things/people you were exposed to create your own positionality.

  5. Honour self and others: As the pagan rule says, "An' it harm none, do as you will." (Wigington, 2019) our actions should not harm. I stop at the word 'harm' as while the pagan rule applies to any living being (others, animals, plants, and yourself), the world has changed where our gadgets, favourite book/blanket/jewellery can mean so much more to us and does not deserve our apathy.

To apply this in the Chaotic Good way, I have taken how I relate to other people.

Welcome everything: I welcome nonjudgment. While it's easier to say I have no regrets, it's a twist of the mind when I say I acted as I saw fit at that moment with the information I had. There's also the factor that our first is considered to be social conditioning, and that our second thought is what we really feel. Being aware of your own judgments towards others or yourself and knowing that every single person is different is a way to welcome differences and similarities.

Assume Nothing: There is a trick I play on myself; every time I want to assume something about someone else, I make it into a question. I check my tone and my facial expression, and I ask the question. If it's too intrusive, I'll add that I'm just trying to understand.

Revealing your experience: I learnt that teenagers like to know adults are human too. Not just at an adult age when certain things are incomprehensible, but that they made the same mistakes when the adults were their age. I try to remember what it was like to be 18, to think that my truth was universal truth, and that, as an adult, I have hindsight now, and I need to use it for good.

Own your experience: There are a lot of things in my life that I don't talk about, but in the last few years I used those experiences to teach to my students. By looking at those experiences from the outside and as a teaching moment, I realised that talking about those actually allowed my students to relate to me, an adult.

Honour self and others: I know the saying is that 'respect should be earned', but in my case it's the other way around. I always say to start with respect, and then disrespect can be earned.

The Five Practices of Authentic Relating (no date) ART International. Authentic Relating Training. Available at: (Accessed: November 18, 2022).

Wigington, P. (2019) Do pagan religions have rules?, Learn Religions. Learn Religions. Available at: (Accessed: November 18, 2022).

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